Why a Men's Retreat?

From Menletter March 2009

By Tim Baehr

Every year about this time I get The Itch. I don't get to scratch it until June, when I go on an annual retreat in western Massachusetts with a couple dozen other men. The retreat is called the Men's Wisdom Council. It takes place far out in the country, isolated from city and suburb and everyday life. We sleep in cabins. A crew cooks for us. And we do the important work of rediscovering who we are as human beings and as men. (This year's Council takes place June 14-19.)

Most men's retreats, lasting from a weekend to a couple of weeks, arose out of the so-called men's movement of the 1980s and early 1990s. They're based on a mythopoetic view of the universe. The term (which I dislike) refers to the use of traditional myths and poetry as a way to gain access to our deeper selves, bypassing our rational and socialized thought processes.

But the retreats I've been on over the past dozen or so years go beyond myth and poetry. We create, for a weekend or a week, a community of men from diverse backgrounds. In addition to (or instead of) listening to myths and writing or reading poetry, we do stuff together - talking, joking, dancing, drumming, exploring nature, making things, hiking, doing a sweat lodge, and many other things.

Much of what we do has the quality of ritual, which we could define as an individual or group activity whose goal is some kind of change. Think of a marriage or baptismal ceremony or bris. A lot of the ceremony's activities are established by tradition, and the ritual aspect effects a change. Two people are united. A baby is named and welcomed into the Christian community. A boy is circumcised and enters into covenant with God. The rituals at a men's gathering are not as elaborate but do have the potential of changing us - how we view and interact with the world, our relationships, ourselves.

A men's gathering is not all Sturm und Drang and intense navel-gazing. Mostly, it's fun. One of the things that delighted me from the start was how much fun men can have together outside the competitiveness of the workplace and away from society's expectations. There's something about being in the woods that brings out my inner twelve-year-old.

I've written about all this before, and in much more detail. You can read about it here and here and here. (Roll your mouse pointer over each link to see the title. Then click.) I realize that men's retreats are not for everyone, but if you see something you resonate with, consider this your invitation. E-mail me if you have questions.