Violence
Against Men
From Menletter July 2007 By Tim Baehr A Shock of RecognitionViolence against men has become
so commonplace that we don't think about it much. But without even citing statistics,
the briefest list of how extensively men are victimized by violence should
lead to a shock of recognition: ●
Soldiers in war
zones ●
Crime victims ●
Criminals
(injured or killed while being apprehended) ●
Inmates
(injured, killed, or raped while incarcerated) ●
Industrial
workers ●
Firefighters ●
Police officers ●
Suicides Even though I've used
gender-neutral terms ("firefighters" instead of
"firemen," for instance), I'll bet your mind's eye saw men in these
categories. And then there are the even less
obvious instances of violence depicted in fictional accounts like novels and
action films. Especially in action films, victims, heroes, and perpetrators
alike are mostly men. Sports is another area in
which there is a strong expectation of, and acceptance of, violence and
potential mayhem: football, hockey, even NASCAR racing. Forms of violence against men
that would be considered mild or even humorous in TV sitcoms wouldn't be
tolerated if they were depicted against women: slapping, punching, pinching,
and so on. Another ViewAaron Kipnis,
in his first edition of Knights Without
Armor, expands on this topic in a discussion of men's needs: Another arena in which the needs
of men have often been disregarded by society is that of the millions of men
who are victims of violence every year. In recent years there has been a
great deal of attention given to the serious problem of violence toward women
in our society. Much of the increase in public awareness about this important
issue has been due to the dedicated efforts of feminist activists. Violence
toward women is often cited as one aspect of women's oppression and
inequality. And men bear the responsibility
for perpetrating the majority of physical violence. But what seems to have
been overlooked is that men are also the primary victims of violence in our
culture: men make up about 80 percent of all homicide victims, are victims of
about 70 percent of all robberies, and make up 70 percent of all other
victims of aggravated assaults. Even rape, which is primarily held to be a
crime against women, victimizes incarcerated men in numbers matching or
exceeding those of free women. The fact that these statistics have apparently
been ignored inflames the wounds of men by making their victimization seem
less important than women's. In the Vietnam War, men were
killed eight thousand to one over women. In films and television, more than
90 percent of the characters who die are men. In romance novels, written
primarily for the entertainment of women, the degradation of men and violence
committed against men are such frequently recurring themes that they have
inspired more than one writer to dub this form of literature women's
pornography. During a Sally Jessy Raphael talk show on the subject of men who have
been victims of violence perpetrated by women, the women in the audience
mocked a man who was a victim of his wife's abuse, and they applauded her
actions against him. Yet an incident in which a man abuses a woman is almost
always perceived as shameful and criminal, regardless of the provocation. Men
have at times been known to step in, even at significant risk, to aid a woman
being attacked by another man. But it's rare that women, other than police
officers, respond in kind on behalf of a man in any kind of danger. Men die from all causes combined
an average of nine years earlier than women. Although death comes to us all,
it is a more present reality in the mind of the man who knows it is he, in
his role as defender of women and children in a moment of danger, who will be
expected to die first if necessary. Women are still rescued first in time of
emergency. Many disaster statistics, from homelessness to the sinking of the
Titanic to various hostage crises and wars around the world, reveal a
disproportionate number of male victims. Men know instinctively, from their
biological evolution as hunters, that they are the first to face danger,
dismemberment, and sudden, violent death. Violence against men is a form
of entertainment in our culture. Boxing, football, hockey, and car racing
often feature men being wounded, maimed, even
killed. Although many films depict violence toward women, the physical abuse
of women is seldom perceived as funny. Yet a lot of physical comedy is based
upon violence toward men. This brand of humor ranges from Abbott and Costello
through the Three Stooges right up to numerous recent films that feature the
death, dismemberment, or torture of men in supposedly funny ways. The comedy
I Love You to Death featured a plot, based on a true story, about the various
ways in which a wife and mother-in-law conspired to murder a man. He was a
loving father and a hard-working provider who, essentially, loved his wife.
They decided he deserved to die because he was habitually unfaithful. Comic
violence against men takes on a much larger dimension in films like 48 Hrs,
Harlem Nights, Batman, Lethal Weapon, and most Schwarzenegger action films,
in which the actor often makes a few gleeful kills in cute ways for
occasional comic relief from the more serious gore. (Tarcher,
1991. Used with kind permission of Aaron Kipnis.
The current [2004] edition of Knights
Without Armor is available in bookstores and from www.amazon.com. Kipnis's
most recent book is Angry Young Men:
How Parents, Teachers, and Counselors Can Help "Bad Boys" Become
Good Men. Work in progress is about the psychology of poverty. Dr. Kipnis
is core faculty at Pacifica Graduate Institute where he has taught for 9
years. Outside the classroom, Aaron is a featured expert for national news
media and an advisor to organizations such as the Little Hoover Commission's
Task Force on Youth Crime and Violence, The Center for Psychology and Social
Change, The California Youth Authority and The Harvard School of Education.) And So . . . ?Are you angry yet? Sad?
Discouraged? Or just resigned or cynical: "Yeah, yeah, that's the way it
is. What am I supposed to do - launch a campaign? I don't want to be seen as
soft. Men are supposed to suck it
up and be tough." WitnessingMy friends Ron and Blase have developed a ten- to twelve-week curriculum for
men in prison and are working on a manual to train more prison workers. In
their class on Violence, they conduct this witnessing exercise. I invite you
to imagine yourself in the room with the inmates as they are guided through
this exercise. How many times will you
stand up? Tell the men you will read a
series of questions relating to lives we lead as men. After each question there will be
a pause and any man that finds the question true for him will stand up or
raise his hand. The men will remain standing or keep their hands raised until
you thank them for their honesty and ask them to sit again or lower their
hands. This process will hold for all questions. Tell the men that if the
question does not pertain to them, to simply sit quietly and witness. This witness exercise is
designed to reveal just how similar we are as men. It also evidences the
prevalence of violence in the culture and in our lives. Questions: ●
Have you ever
worried you were not tough enough? ●
Have you ever
exercised to make yourself tougher? ●
Have you ever
been told not to cry? ●
Have you ever
been hit to make you stop crying? ●
Have you ever
been called a wimp, queer, or a fag? ●
Have you ever
been told to act like a man? ●
Have you ever
been hit by an older man? ●
Have you ever
been forced to fight, or been in a fight because you felt you had to prove
you were a man? ●
Have you ever
seen a man you looked up to or respected hit or brutalize a woman emotionally
or physically? ●
Have you ever
been physically injured by another person? ●
Have you ever
been injured on the job? ●
Have you ever
been physically injured and hid the pain or kept it to yourself? ●
Were you ever
sexually abused or touched in a way you didn't like by another person? ●
Have you ever
stopped yourself from showing affection, hugging, or touching another man
because of how it might look? ●
Have you ever
acted tough? ●
Have you ever
withheld a kindness or politeness so to appear more manly? ●
Have you ever
been in the military? ●
Have you ever
gotten so mad that you drove dangerously fast or lost control of a vehicle? ●
Did you ever
drink or take drugs to cover your feelings or hide the pain? ●
Have you ever
felt like blowing yourself away? ●
Have you ever
hurt another person physically? ●
Have you ever
hurt another person sexually, or were you sexual with another person when
that person didn't want to be? (Used with permission. For more
information on the Menswork program in prisons, write
Ron Kearns at rkearns7370@charter.net.) (I'd add: Have you ever been
slapped, hit, pushed, pinched, kicked by a woman?
Did you feel it was your duty as a man to "take it"?) Bringing It HomeOne form of violence against men
is perhaps the least reported and the least understood: domestic violence. It has become common knowledge
in the US that many women are victims of violence, particularly domestic
violence. You may have read the alarming statistics - that
10 to 12 percent of women are victims of domestic violence, or that 20 to 35
percent of women's emergency room visits are due to domestic violence. These figures and other
"statistics" are inaccurate or just plain wrong; see the 2001
article by Bert Hoff: http://www.batteredmen.com/batfact.htm. It really doesn't matter to me
whether 18 or 39 or 50 percent of domestic violence is women against men. It
happens, and it shouldn't be tolerated. But you may want to read some of the
following resources about domestic violence, compare their accounts with your
experience or observation, and draw your own conclusions. I urge you to click
on at least one of these links. Battered Men, a reprint of an
article in Pacific Sun: http://www.menstuff.org/issues/byissue/batteredmen.html Battered Men (many articles,
links, and resources): Equal Justice Foundation: http://www.ejfi.org/DV/dv-6.htm Male Victims of Domestic Abuse: http://www.pitt.edu/~frieze/maleabuse.htm S.A.F.E (Stop Abuse for
Everyone): Male Abuse, a site by Women
Against Domestic Violence: http://www.wadv.org/maleabuse.htm Taking the PledgeWhat can we do as individuals? I
propose the following pledge: ●
I will commit no
violence against another person. The only exception is if my life or another
person's life is in danger. ●
I will tolerate
no violence against myself or the people I love. ●
I will teach my
children or other young people I'm in charge of that negotiating or walking
away from a fight is a sign of strength. ●
I will increase
my awareness of how violence is used to entertain or to sell products. I will
use that awareness in deciding how to spend my time and money. ●
I will not
support those leaders for whom war is the only or primary means of
influencing other nations. This may feel like we're beating
our tiny little fists against the hardened steel of our Big Bad Society. But
are we able to take even these first steps? Are we willing? ©Copyright 2007 by Tim Baehr |