Practicing What I Preached

From Menletter June 2003

By Tim Baehr

I was sitting in a restaurant with a friend when my cell phone went off. Darn. I should have turned it off. I don't like listening to other people yelling into their cell phones during dinner, and here I was trying to decide whether to answer mine.

Since I have a teenager who drives, I thought I'd better answer the phone.

It was a doctor with a follow-up call from a screening test I'd done the previous Sunday at the Boston Prostate Cancer Walk (see the previous issue of this newsletter for details of the walk). I tried to listen and to answer in one- and two syllable phrases: Yes. Thank you. I know. I could have walked out of the restaurant (as I usually do when I get the rare cell call), but I was transfixed. The doctor was telling me that my PSA level (a test for prostate cancer) was "borderline elevated" at 4.0.

The phone call reminded me of several important points I want to bring up with you:

● After the Prostate Cancer Walk there was an exposition on Boston Common called Dads Make a Difference. One of the features of this event was a large van offering free screening tests for prostate cancer, blood pressure, and cholesterol. This was great - a wonderful service for the men attending the event. What was not so great was that I got in with almost no waiting. There should have been a line around the block for this! Guys, when you get any sort of chance for a free screening or other health care (at work or at some event like this), take it.

● I took the tests, including the slight indignity of having a doc poke my rectum with a gloved finger (the digital rectal exam, or DRE), even though I'd had my annual physical about seven months ago. The main reason: I didn't want to be a hypocrite in recommending screenings like this to you and then not go through with it myself. I found out that my blood pressure was normal (not news) and that my prostate is slightly enlarged (also not news).

● Back to the phone call. The PSA of 4.0 was also not news; my last set of labs from my regular doctor had the same figure. There's an important lesson here: If you keep up with things like maintaining your health and getting checkups, you're less likely to get nasty surprises that can ruin an otherwise fine dinner in a wonderful Thai/Cambodian restaurant. From reading about prostate cancer and PSA, I knew that a PSA of 4.0 was worth watching but was within the range of "normal" for men of my age (59) and with a slightly enlarged prostate. I'll give my doctor a call about it soon, but I don't have to rush to some ER and have them yank my prostate.

● Finally this: My (male) dinner companion and I talked for a while about our prostates, our concerns about aging and sexual abilities, our spouses, and so on. It's a well-known cliché that, when it comes to talking about any really important, personal issues, men generally clam up. So, too many of us live lives of desperate isolation, profoundly alone. Sure, it helps having a spouse or partner to talk to. But man-to-man talk, and especially with someone you're not sharing a household with, goes further to break the isolation and give you greater confidence as a man.

Action item: Sometime this year, make at least one male friend you can talk to about anything, or almost anything. Or join a men's group. Or form a men's group. Not only will you benefit, so will your family, spouse/partner, kids, co-workers, and community.