My "State of the Men" Address

From Menletter April 2007

By Tim Baehr

Progress?

Five years ago, in the first Menletter, I asked, "Where Are We Going with the Men's Movement?" (Here: http://tinyurl.com/ypfwob.) A few months later came the essay, "The More Things Change," with links to articles on men's websites from 1987 and 1995. (Here: http://tinyurl.com/yo57dq.) It seemed that not much progress had been made since 1987. (I said in that essay, "How long can we gnaw at the same psychic and sociological bones?") At the time, I comforted myself with the observation that men's work is an ongoing process, and that I had at least made some progress in my personal life.

I still wonder, however, how much men's lives have improved, if at all - in the past five years, and in the past twenty years. I'll get to the details in a minute, but I think one of the first things to note is that there is no "men's movement," at least none that I can discern, or at least nothing that is as widespread and powerful as the "women's movement" was. Other men I've talked to think that the men's movement was killed by media ridicule in the '90s. (See "Drums, Sweat and Tears: What Do Men Really Want?" at http://tinyurl.com/2f6vou for a review of a 1991 Newsweek article on the men's movement: a tongue-in-cheek - actually quite snide - assessment by Jerry Adler.)

But I think the situation was a bit more complex than simple ridicule. The movement, if it indeed ever rose to the level of a movement, never reached a critical mass to engage substantial numbers of men. Also, there was a "We have met the enemy and he is us" aspect of a lot of the movement (originally the words of Pogo Possum on a Walt Kelly poster for Earth Day, 1971). We were both the identified perpetrators (men) and the victims (men) of a society that stereotyped men, ridiculed them, and worked them sometimes literally to death. Women - or feminists - were seen as the enemy by some men, but that kite wouldn't fly. Many men were too gallant to treat women as the enemy; some men tried and ended up lonely and divorced; maybe most of us knew that women didn't have that kind of power. The captains of industry and the media were still largely male, after all. Lawmakers, also mostly male, had become uneasy allies of the feminist movement; they weren't about to alienate a huge women's voting bloc by doing anything that would publicly favor men.

Problems

The challenges that men face are largely still with us. Some are general societal problems, at least in the US: materialism, fundamentalism, corporate greed, and so on. These affect women and children, too, and in the past few years have gotten much worse.

But there are some that affect men particularly. The list is short but intense.

● General Health. Although the longevity gap is closing, men still die sooner than women. Women may be "catching up" simply because they are now in the workforce in greater numbers than before, and in higher-stress jobs. We could argue that we are our own worst enemies: macho men neglecting our health. That argument would deny the force of our upbringing and societal expectations. The remedy sounds so simple - get regular checkups and don't ignore symptoms. Oh, and don't smoke, drive too fast, overeat, or get into bar fights. Yeah, right. Some insurance companies are providing incentives for diet programs, exercise, and smoking cessation. But for now, most of us are on our own. The mainstream culture won't help much. Each of us has to decide if self-neglect is the best thing for ourselves and our families.

● Prostate Health. Let's say you're one of the 136 subscribers or 50,000+ annual visitors to the website. About 23 subscribers and 8,333 Web visitors - one in six - will get prostate cancer. Four subscribers and 1,500 Web visitors (3 percent) will die from it. The good news is that early detection and better treatment are improving our chances. The bad news is that research money is scant compared to that for breast cancer (with about the same occurrence and mortality rates), and that there's little or no media attention paid to educating the public about prostate cancer. We're pretty much on our own in this arena, too. But we can make donations to prostate cancer research, inform ourselves about this killer disease, and not shy away from talking about prostate cancer with other men. (I didn't - see my prostate cancer journal at http://tinyurl.com/ywtpxl.)

● Social Health. There has always been an undercurrent of expressed and unspoken "facts" about men that is part of the fabric of our society. (Same for women, but that's not pertinent here.) These "facts" are perpetuated in how our children are raised and educated, how the media regard us, and how marketers try to manipulate us. Here are a few of the "facts," played out daily in advertising, comic strips, movies, TV shows, and even "news" stories: Males are a privileged class. The most important part of a man's anatomy is his wallet. Men think with their dicks. Men never complain. Men are heroes and rescuers. Men withstand pain. Men ignore their emotions. Men are uncommunicative. Men will not commit to relationship. Men favor work over family. Men are naturally violent. All men are rapists at heart. Men are just oversized boys. Men are pathetically inadequate as boyfriends, husbands, and fathers. A note to you fathers: Do not let your children go out into the world without your challenging these "facts." Here are a couple of past essays on the topic: "Defining Men" (http://tinyurl.com/3byqle) and "True to Type" (http://tinyurl.com/2jergu).

Hope

I've painted a somewhat dismal picture of the state of men in Western society. It's not all bad, however. There may not be a men's movement per se, but many men defy the stereotypes and realize that the broader culture's depiction of us is distorted and self-serving. Small men's groups continue, and larger gatherings are still taking place. The earliest leaders of the men's movement - especially Robert Bly and Michael Meade - are still active giving workshops and leading men's gatherings.

One thing I've noticed is that the entry into men's work seems to be somewhat age-related and a result of accumulated wounds. In our early careers, many of us followed, unexamined, society's expectations about work, competition, striving, family, and community. With middle age and beyond, many men find that what they have achieved is not enough, even when the achievements are substantial. We look at the past and projected trajectories of our lives and ask, "Is that all there is?" Once we acknowledge our wounds and begin to deal with our depression and despair, we may get into therapy or (better, in my opinion because it puts us into a community of men) start to go to men's gatherings and retreats. We may go deep inside and find at our core a strong, essentially masculine self that has always been there, is immune to stereotyping, and is capable of blessing other men - and the world.

We are part of an aging population, and more and more of us have gone or are going through this transformation. I don't believe in "movements"; they often lead to orthodox thinking and an us/them dichotomy in which dialog is impossible. But there may yet develop a critical mass of men who, together and individually, are willing to examine and reject the "facts" about us.