MM52

From Menletter October 2007

By Tim Baehr

A few weeks ago I attended a weekend retreat of Mainely Men. It was the 52nd semiannual weekend for this group - a phenomenal 26 years of guys meeting in the Maine woods for a weekend of fellowship, exploration, and fun.

Mainely Men was the first of several annual or semiannual gatherings in New England, and it provided the model (and in some cases seed money) for Maine Coast Men, Granite Men in New Hampshire, the Massachusetts Men's Gathering, the Connecticut Men's Gathering (COMEGA), and the Rhode Island Men's Gathering.

Mainely Men is run by an elected board of directors, but there seem to be no special hierarchy and no paid positions. One man does the website; another is the treasurer; another is the membership coordinator. At each gathering, one man from the board is the coordinator, the one who (mostly) has overall responsibility for keeping things going. This position changes with each retreat. Most of the work is done by volunteers.

The typical weekend consists of workshops and affinity groups. These are led or facilitated by the men attending the retreat. The men create their own topics, and a volunteer works out the scheduling over the three or four days (Friday to Sunday normally; Friday to Monday for holiday weekends such as Columbus Day). A particular treat for me this time was a sweat lodge.

In between there are shared meals (with a rotating crew of cooks and cleanup volunteers under the guidance of the head cook), free time, and impromptu activities such as canoeing, swimming, hiking, and the like. Whole-group activities include an opening and closing circle, a dance, and a talent night.

What makes a men's retreat so satisfying? I think that when men get together with the intention of fellowship and self-exploration, a certain magic happens. It helps to be in a non-ordinary setting out in nature. It's hard to imagine magic happening on an urban college campus or in a church hall. We seem to enter a zone - some would call it a sacred space - of nonjudgmental, nearly total acceptance. No man is seen as inherently better than another. We all have something to contribute, and we are all treated with respect. Certain rituals - lighting of a candle, burning of a log representing our burdens - bond us together.

You can get more information about Mainely Men and other men's gatherings at the Events page (http://menletter.org/events.htm).