The Christmas Blues

From Menletter December 2002

By Tim Baehr

Got the Christmas blues? Commercialism got ya down -- whether you're a Christian or not? Wondering how to get through to Valentine's Day without the extra weight -- physical and psychological?

Ironically, as lonely as this time of year can make you feel, you have lots of company in your loneliness. The pop psych folks have lots of advice at this time of year: lower your expectations, don't drink too much, don't try to work out interpersonal problems at family gatherings, get enough rest, do charity work, count your blessings, blah, blah, blah.

And the Scrooges of the world grumble "Bah, humbug" and slog on through their chilly days, with chilly souls.

Well, maybe Scrooge is right.

The forced merriment, obligatory spending, cheesy decorations, and useless gadgets could put lots of people into a funk. (In what other season of the year to you see motorized tie racks?)

A lot of the advice seems to be based on the idea that you can think your way out of that holiday funk, but that just blames the victim: we ought to feel better, and we have to do the mental and emotional heavy lifting to get there.

Humbug indeed. Maybe we need something more radical.

Let's acknowledge the holiday season for what it has become, at least in much of the English-speaking world: a largely secular season patched together mostly from ancient pagan and Christian customs, with an overlay of Victorian England. The gift-giving, special foods, decorating, and family visits can all be seen as a legitimate part of the secular holiday. And we can enjoy it for that. Without the sentimentality and the "ought-to" mentality, the season snaps into focus: It's a time to remember friends and family, to ponder a new birth in either a god-child or in the turning of the Winter solstice. So, maybe we really can be in charge of how much we spend, eat, drink, visit, entertain -- and discover that we can enjoy the season on those terms.

Here's an idea: Give yourself some Christmas or Solstice presents.

First feed your soul. Set aside a quiet day, or some quiet moments each day. Just sit and do absolutely nothing. You don't even have to pray. What you're doing is a form of waiting. For Christians, the period befor Christmas is called Advent, which is a time of waiting and preparation. The great thing about these quiet moments is that you don't have to be waiting for anything. You're just creating a quiet zone in which new thoughts or spiritual experiences can arise.

Feed your body. Give yourself one physical thing that would delight your soul: a special food or meal; a professional massage; a beautiful sweater. You don't even need to wait until December 25.

Imagine the amount of love involved in feeding your soul and body. And, having gotten some very nice gifts, you can let your love overflow into gifts for others.

Soul: Give "soul" gifts -- a prayer, a smile, a bit of courtesy, a "random act of kindness." People don't even have to know you're giving anything to them.

Body: Delight your family and friends with gifts of beauty or utility. You don't have to expect anything in return because the you have already given yourself the best gifts. And although you may not be able to give extravagantly, you can give with an extravagant heart.